I am a 40-year-old man that has been with a lady since 1993. We have broken up a few times, but we eventually got back together.
We have been trying to have children for a few years now, without any success. She claimed that I was the problem and that I have a dead penis.
We broke up, and I got into another relationship in which I produced a son. We eventually got back together and got married in 2013.
After getting married, she refused to have sexual intercourse with me. She is always saying that she is tired. She also refuses to cook for me.
I had a bank account that had her name in it, but she refuses to put my name on her account.
My son came over to spend some time with me and I overheard her telling my son that she does not like him. She said that he must not look at her, sit in her chair or watch her television.
Every time we have disagreements, she calls my mother, father, aunties, uncles and cousins and fill their heads with so many lies that they don't talk to me anymore.
INVITED A MAN IN
The other night I was watching television in the living room, and she opened the door and invited a man in and they went into the bedroom where they had sexual intercourse. I did not say anything because she is paying the rent. I just got up and went into my room; we don't sleep in the same room.
Pastor, I have tried so many times with this woman. We went to counselling with her pastor, and she told lies and began to fake a cry. I am in need of your assistance. Should I leave this marriage and ask for a divorce, Pastor? Please give me your advice.
I believe every word you have said, but some people would say that you are not speaking the truth. I have counselled people who have admitted that they have had sex with their spouses in the same house, and that their spouses were aware of it but could not do anything because of certain circumstances.
It is not unusual for a woman to have sex with another man in her house although she knows that her husband is aware. I will put it clearer to you. Women have come to me with their husbands and have admitted that they have done so. And the husbands said that they were powerless and were not able to do anything about it. The women say that they didn't care how the men felt.
Some people think that only men are bad, but some women are just as evil and they do things to punish men. To me, they are putting their lives in jeopardy. But I know two of the women who have done so did not care how their husband felt. Yet, these men were still hoping that their women would change.
Why do these men stay with their wives? The answer is simple. They are broke. They don't have anywhere else to go. These women provide shelter and food. If they were to leave, they would have to live on the streets. May God help a man who has to suffer such abuse.
You said this woman is paying the rent for the house in which you live. I will tell you straight up. Leave this woman. Get out. Beg a brother or a sister to put you up until you can rent a one-bedroom place and live in peace.
Don't allow this woman to wipe her feet on you as if you are a floor mat. Whatever wrong you have done, you should not be treated with such contempt.